We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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