I'm lost and stupid without you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
