in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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