I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize