I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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