I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
