You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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