I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
