dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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