I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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