I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
