Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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