I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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