I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
