Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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