I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
