What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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