shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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