You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
