i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
