Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
