Your tits are I can't wait for
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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