Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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