Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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