turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
