Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
