Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
