I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
