I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The adults are the big ones right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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