Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
