So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
