it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
