i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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