Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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