I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
