My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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