God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
