My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
