i was rollin on her like bob the builder
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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