Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
