Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
