She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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