I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
