Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
