Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
