You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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