He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
