his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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