those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
