Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
