I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
