Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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