I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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