i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
