I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
