I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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