I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How external is "for external use only"?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
