i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
