thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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