Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
