You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
