That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
