You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
