We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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