He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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