So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
