I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
