my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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