did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
