I accidentally burped into my bong.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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