My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
