p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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