Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
