now i know why i became what i already was.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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