Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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