So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
