i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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